I Don´t Even Know

You try to confiscate

My heart,

But I know you don’t have to try,

You already have it.

I have to try to be prudent,

And not let myself go,

But I just can’t help it.

Although, I´m rankled by the fact that I can’t stop

Being in love with guys

Just like you,

Because I know if I embrace

Your love,

I’ll start acting like always,

I would let myself go,

And embark into a journey,

Of heartbreaking feelings.

You know guys like you are all the same,

And me, I’m always wrong,

Thinking your perfect,

Knowing you´ll break my heart

In the end,

But I want to feel what other girls

Feel all the time,

Excitement, adrenaline,

Love.

Excruciating pain,

That’s what you make me feel,

You´re a goddam phony,

Heartless guy,

You make me feel bad

All time,

About every single stupid mistake

I make,

But who ever said you were

Supreme…

You’re the exact opposite of what I thought you were.

I thought you were perfect; pleasant; peculiar,

And I thought you were mine.

I even depicted to everyone

Our so called “relationship”

All the stupid things I said,

Were wrong,

Like always.

I thought you did everything great,

Repaired every broken piece of glass you found,

But you did everything slovenly.

Although, I act quite lackadaisical,

But I don’t want to be like that anymore,

Because I don’t mean to be like that,

I don’t even know what I want.

I want to be conscientious,

Tell you what I feel,

But I don’t want to be heartbroken,

I just want to feel good with you,

In a serene place,

No fighting,

Not regretting anything,

No more lies,

I want to be audacious,

I want to not care,

What people think of us,

But I don’t want to be rebuked by everyone,

Always telling me how bad, and how you

Kiss every girl

That gets in your way,

And I know all those things

Are true, but I just don’t want to listen to them,

I don’t want to face reality.

I don’t even know what I want.